On Becoming a Kind Father

Journalist, author, and environmental lawyer Calvin Sandborn diagrams his life growning up with an alcoholic, abusive father who died when the author was 13 in his just released book "Becoming the Kind Father." The article below from the Sacramento Bee is worth a read for those interested in the struggle of those raised in hostile households turning themselves around.

The interviewer, Cynthia Hubert, mixes in some good stuff from other authors, researchers, and psychologists:

William Pollack, in his book "Real Boys," also challenges the idea that boys should be raised like "little men." Teaching boys to be silent and tough, he argues, damages them emotionally and sets them up for anger, depression and alienation in later life.

From early childhood, boys learn that to be successful, they should never demonstrate weakness and never show emotions other than anger, Pollack writes. They are taught that success means taking risks and being macho, and that their goals should be to achieve status, dominance and power.

"Boys start to believe in this false sense of self," Sandborn says. "They start to feel that they are no better than their performance, than their car or their big contract or their salary. They don't have real relationships with themselves, so they can't have relationships with other people."

A real relationship with yourself. That's a heavy one, and I like seeing that other men see it as important. Realizing its importance and being successful at it are two different things, however. I like to think I'm making progress in this area.

I'm going to send you here for the article: The kind father. But if you have a love of registering at websites, entering your likes, dislikes, income level, phone number, and choosing yet another password, feel free to read the orginal here.