Calling from the Shore

"Fighting Father Dave," the Rev. David B. Smith, is a Parish priest, community worker, pro boxer, author, and father of three working outside of Sydney, Australia. In this column, The Pain of Non Custodial Fatherhood, Father Dave tells contrasting stories of saving his daughter from drowning, and years later sitting by her bedside helplessly as she recovers from a drug overdose. The piece is an intelligent lament on the role non custodial fathers are supposed to play in a child's life, and how this contradicts what we thought fatherhood was supposed to be like.

This is not just my problem. It’s the dilemma of modern fatherhood, particularly acute for non-custodial fathers. We’re supposed to be in the picture, somewhere, but not as fathers, not acting like real men. We’re supposed to be in the background somewhere, on the shoreline, offering helpful advice when it’s asked for, but if we see our children going down, our hands are tied. We can appeal to the mother, to the police, to the school, or to child welfare, but we’re unable to act like men and do anything.